The Kind Of Love You Do Not Need

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When it comes to matters of love, everyone has an opinion. People have varying views on how they would like to be shown love and even go one step further to attempt to dictate how other people should be loved. It’s why the relationship dynamic between two of the Big Brother Naija Season 6 ex-housemates, Saga and Nini continues to generate controversy among viewers. The majority find Saga’s undeniably enamoured self off-putting; those on the other side of the divide insist a man like Saga is every woman’s dream and critics are only being hypocritical with their condemnation of his approach.

Groups And You

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Groups, especially within the context of social media and online platforms, in general, have come to stay. They are conduits for collaboration—tagged the new currency; and avenues for information sharing and building formidable relationships. And so today, we have all kinds of groups: professional, school, business, ethnic, religious, recreational and, of course, fun or gossip groups. The dynamics of each group vary in almost the same way they share similar characteristics; there are the active members who are vocal about their thoughts on every topic, Frankly, without them, the group would be dead.

Sky High Shoulders In A Jungle

But then again, it has become a pattern for our leaders to not weigh the implications before embarking on a course of action. The flirting with bandits and terrorists; offering them the sort of a care package a top executive would envy. The skewed appointments and nepotism, ditching federal character in the mud and leaving qualified persons from other tribes wondering if they are a part of “One Nigeria.” And the neglect of urgent matters such as insecurity and poor health care to dwell on less important ones such as a deleted tweet.

A child looking sad with two adults arguing in the backgorund

The Scary Cycle of Violence

There are not many things as scary as being one of the vulnerable groups in this part of the world. And by vulnerable, I refer to categories of humans such as children, women, the poor, the old, the orphaned, and even single folks. As a member of any of these groups, you are reminded that you are only a hair’s breadth away from abuse at any given time. Unfortunately, when we think of violence, we are inclined to narrow it down to a man brutalising a woman, we rarely think of it along the lines of the many other people who are prone to this threat to life.

A pair of binoculars placed on a small platform

It’s All About Perspective

One of the interesting things in life is how two people can be so close, share interests and have great conversations, yet view issues from divergent prisms. A person’s thought pattern influences their outlook on life. It’s what makes them kowtow to popular opinion or hold a different view from the majority. I find that irrespective of the situation a person finds themselves in, their perception dictates their disposition to it.

The Mythical Concept Of Balance

“You need to find balance”: these words can come in form of an admonition, advice or appeal. The most common instance where we hear this is in respect of work and family. We are told to find work-life balance and when folks say this, they mean we should not be found to be tilting towards one spectrum of our existence at the expense of the other. The gender that hears this the most is female. Women are admonished to ensure they never neglect the home because of a career, and so, all her life, she is in a constant state of contouring herself in many different ways to see that she “finds that balance”.

Heart emoji surrounded by rusty handcuffs

Scorned Lovers and Moral Codes

It happened in some foreign country. She had had her suspicions that he was cheating and had done her little homework such that she was able to catch him on a romantic date with another lady. She was enraged and proceeded to retrieve the clothes she had gifted him…right there on the streets. His protests and appeals for her to rethink her move were ignored; she wanted to humiliate him as he did her by sharing what should have been exclusive to them with another. It was mission accomplished in the end—she had paid him back in the most debasing way

In Deed, Not Words

February is one of my favourite months. For one, it’s the much-touted month of love and behind my sometimes aloof exterior, I’m quite the lover girl. Valentine’s Day has come and gone, but like it often does, the memories of the day linger long after the day is gone. For couples, it’s the one day even the shyest of them break their privacy rule to engage in some PDA. Singles dread the day as it represents a stark reminder of lost, unrequited or non-existent eros love, except, of course, the gangsters amongst them who cannot be bothered by all the fuss surrounding the day.