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Sometime ago, my girlfriends and I were chit-chatting over lunch when our conversation drifted to the topic of husband snatching, then I dropped what I didn’t know before then was a bombshell….”I don’t believe in husband or wife snatching as the case maybe” I said. They all practically stopped what they were doing and gawked at me like I had suddenly developed horns! Then one of them asked, “Why do you say there is nothing like that?”, she argued that it was a well known fact that some women actively pursue another woman’s man despite knowing his relationship or marital status and went further to ask what if I fancied another guy while in a relationship and ended up leaving my lover for this new guy, then what would that be termed as? In her opinion, that scenario would pass for the new love interest snatching me from my original lover. Well, my answer was….”the new guy didn’t snatch me, I CHOSE to leave my relationship for him.”
You see, for me it’s simple, if my boyfriend/husband starts seeing another lady, then he chose to do that…I have little or no business with the strange woman who has absolutely no allegiance to me. My business is with the man who CHOSE to betray the love and trust reposed in him by me! I further explained that I definitely believe there could be an attempt to snatch one’s partner whether male or female but the ultimate decision to be snatched or not lies with the person who is in the relationship. Many times, women make it seem as though a man is a puppet who’s attached to some string and can be manipulated easily on the slightest whim. We act like the man has no will of his own. The fault always lies with the other woman. Do we ever stop to consider whether our “darling boyfriend/husband” actually actively went after this woman himself? Except it is the case of some spiritual or diabolic manipulation aka Jazz (even I admit that sometimes these things are beyond the ordinary) resulting in a man or woman being lured away by another person, then it would make sense for us to stop chasing shadows and face reality. Your man wasn’t snatched, he CHOSE to leave you!
On the flip side, I would not like to be misunderstood, I am not on the side of the “other woman” who also didn’t see anything wrong in dating someone who was already in a relationship or marriage. There is no mincing words. It is totally wrong in all ramifications! What I find nauseating is the notion that our partners have no fault in this whole husband/wife snatching business. It is not uncommon to see ladies especially fight over a man in public or a hitherto well respected married woman descend so low as to create a scene in a public place all in the name of humiliating a perceived husband snatcher while letting her husband off the hook. “Madam, is Oga a dummy?” “Isn’t he a full grown adult?” “Didn’t he realize he was married before taking that girl to that seedy hotel?” “Then, why are you attacking the lady and not your randy husband?” You may have observed my frequent use of the word “Chose” in this piece. It is deliberate and aimed at reminding anyone reading that as full grown adults we have a will and the ability to make decisions which we are accountable for. We should learn to take responsibility for our actions and anyone who is in an exclusive relationship or marriage is assumed to be aware that they are expected to be faithful to their partner which is why this whole husband snatching business beats me!
In recent times, a couple of female celebrities in the Nigerian movie and music industries have been accused of snatching other people’s husbands with many people vilifying them for this, while the man at the center of it all is hardly ever mentioned not to talk of receiving anything close to the amount of backlash the woman receives. All I am saying is that people in relationships should learn to hold their partners more accountable in the case of any “misadventures or escapades” on their part before casting the blame on the third party. That being said, if a partner is truly snatched by voodoo or through any other unforeseen circumstances that may defy human understanding, then the aggrieved party can rest assured that like every drug or medicine, this “jazz” would wear off/expire some day!
To me , infidelity is the height of irresponsibility, lack of integrity, lack of the fear of God and indiscipline. Like you said, people are not dummies. A cheating partner doesn’t worth being pampered. He or she should be confronted and made to realise the hurt the immoral act has cursed his/her partner.
Well said Lollybabe. I find it worrisome that most times the cheating partner (especially if he is a man) is let off the hook while we crucify the woman. At the altar the couple vowed to be faithful to each other and while I am aware that no third party too should break up a marriage. The couple still owe each other that responsibility first. Thanks Lola.
I guess those proponents of the “snatching” concept do it on the basis of men’s weaknesses. They feel that since the average weakness of a man is sex and he may hardly resist when intentionally lured by a woman, then women seem to have an advantage. So the man’s spouse addresses the intruder with this “I know what you are up to; we are women” approach.
In most cases, desperate single women capitalize on this weakness in men.
But of course God’s standard is – the marriage bed undefiled.
Interesting perspective…I agree that men are considered weak when it comes to sexual matters but then again it doesn’t shift the blame of adultery off a married man. If there are no “openings” no intruder will come in. Thanks bro!
I agree completely. I am not naive to the world or unrealistic, but when we chose to be with each other till the end of our days… Choice!
My husband and I signed a legal binding contract. If my husband breaks that contract. I will not be looking at a 3rd party for answers. This was not an arranged marriage or an underage one where our brains hadn’t completely formed to understand the terms of this contract. We chose to be committed to each other without duress.I remind us of it’s legally binding character for practicality purposes,and to cover atheists and believers. If most people treated it like their business, “husband snatchers” would be a myth.
Husband snatchers do exist and are real. Your husband however has to open that door to be snatched. Even in the case of jazz ( if you believe there’s God, you better believe there’s also evil.) that spouse has to open the door for evil to enter. Marriage is not easy, temptation, boredom etc But marriage for me is holy and godly. It is however spiritual to me and every married person ought to pray for the protection of their marriages in my opinion.
Honestly, this should be an addendum to the article. You hit the nail on the head. Let’s just hope people…married women in particular learn from this. Thanks Ivy.
Hmmn. Everything takes d grace of God. I’m not trying to take sides. Some people never even thought for once in their lives they will ever cheat. It’s not all about randy men and promiscuous women. Not all men who cheat r randy and same for the women.
Some marriages r ” made in hell”. For those of us that have it going, we never can tell what others r going through.
We r all human and I stand not to judge. The older I get, the more I learn and d more experienced I am. The nature of man will always be ( the biblical king David is a good example.God loved him still and blessed his son Solomon. Y wasn’t he cursed? Y was he made d wisest and richest ? The mother wasn’t even David’s legal wife. She was “snatched”. Now men, don’t get all excited because I made reference to this cos a “king David” might as well “snatch ur wife too
). We don’t know y some things happen sometimes. God knows best.
For me, I don’t believe there’s anything like snatching. If we have it going, it is grace. Still, we must not forget to put our spouses in prayers and for those who do not treat their spouses well and take them for granted because they treat us so well we feel they can never do without us, get another thinking coming because it’s a time bomb waiting to explode unless we change (I’m speaking for d men and d women).
Nice article lolade.
Hmmmm…interesting comments Bibi. I see your angle to this and agree that it takes more than sheer will to keep a relationship or marriage going. Thanks a lot.
I totally agree, a cheating partner has no moral justification to Cheat. I wonder y men are justified to cheat while women are crucified for cheating. 4me,its 50/50. When I loose trust in my partner, re-gaining it is difficult. I understand some pple use devilish means but if one Is prayerful and principled, u wont find urself in such situation. Hebrews 13 v 4 and Mattew 5 v 31-32. If d bible could support divorce in relation to infidelity (tho its advised to forgive and after a divorce,neither will re-marry) y on earth should I tolerate a cheating man? All I need is a good proof and he’s a goner. He will have to learn how to be decent. That’s y i’l always advise, every woman must work, don’t be a liability to ur spouse. Marriage no b by force and not a do /die affair. Pple will say African men are polygamous by nature, I TOTALLY disagree with that. If ure not ready for a relationship, pls don’t purnish ur partner emotionally by cheating.
Ng Anwuli
I feel it’s the general notion that men are expected to cheat that makes many women believe it is acceptable and that the 3rd party must be responsible for their cheating partner. Thanks Anwuli.
Sometimes I wonder if this thing called marriage is really worth it,what with the rate of divorce taking place all around us,one cannot help but really wonder,but one thing is certain,it takes two to tango and the sooner we start realising that to make a marriage work takes the efforts of the two people invoved,the better for us all.
Lool, don’t sound so pessimistic. At least some people have and are still making it work. Thanks for commenting bro!
Hmmnnnn. I agree with you on the matter of choice. I also want to state that the idea behind snatching is likely to be that the snatcher offers a largesse of whatever (gifts, cash, kind etc) which the snatched is well enticed & drawn towards.
Thanks 4. Sharingg
I guess that’s part of the reason why the woman whose husband is being “snatched” feels so aggrieved as to go after the other woman…the thought of her hubby spending their hard earned money which could have been put into better use at the home front on an unholy liaison is usually too much to bear. Thanks for your comment sir.
In as much as I can relate with your standpoint on the concept of “snatching of a spouse/partner by an “available/interested” party”. . . I wish to differ a bit on the validity of the action in itself. While the man or the woman (yes! Woman too) being snatched should not be left to assume the pity party in the whole scenerio, it should be noted that “snatching” can actually be quite applicable and valid. It is all dependent on the underlying circumstance. Typically, a constantly abused spouse/partner that is “offered” succour externally should not be castigated if he/she gets swayed by this external flavour. Yes it may be argued that in marriage, a contract of “for better, for worse” was signed and as such, the deprived spouse should persevere. Please!!!! If you have been experiencing constant horror in your relationship due to the wimps and caprices of an unbalanced partner, the minute the happiness/peace you have so long desired after years (or even months) of perseverance is exended to you by an interested third party and you succumb to this, then you have been snatched. . Period! As such, you will agree that the concept of “snatching” quite compliments the phenomenon of “you don’t know what you have till you lose it” in relationships/marriages. However, if the scenerio I painted above is not the underlying case, then the straying partner should not be regarded as snatched and as such your views hold 100%. He or she is just been plain promiscous! This is quite an interesting piece and quite hilarious too. Men will remain moved by sight and married individuals shall remain attractive to certain singles under the foolish belief that they (married folks) are tested and thus more reliable and caring! Whilst love and discipline on the part of partners remains very key to the success of relationships/marriages, the grace of the Almighty is still the ultimate key to seeing us all through. Well done Lolade for this topic and its contents.
I can understand why people would see the scenario you just painted of an unhappy partner finding succour in the arms of another person as being snatched but are we then saying that the person being snatched is totally unaware or has no say in this?…just thinking. Sometimes these issues are so complicated. Thanks Abayomi.
I totally agree with Bibi’s point of view, some men or women dat cheat r not necessarily promiscuous. (shit happens) and sometimes dey just go with d flow. Yes of course d place of choice cannot be overruled, bcos ultimately we are all accountable for any decision we take.
I have been attracted to a married man before while I was not yet married and d feeling was mutual such dat if I wanted to ‘snatch’ him so to speak he would have also willing have consented but we were both Christians and hence were held back by d fear of God and our strong decision not to do such an act .infact he was very willing to marry me but of course I rejected it,so really d place of CHOICE \DECISION cannot be downplayed.
husband \wife snatching is a decision for both d ‘snatchers’ and d ‘snatched’
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It is true that sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we never thought we would, but at the end of the day the choice of how to handle such circumstances still depends on us.