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It happened in some foreign country. She had had her suspicions that he was cheating and had done her little homework such that she was able to catch him on a romantic date with another lady. She was enraged and proceeded to retrieve the clothes she had gifted him…right there on the streets. His protests and appeals for her to rethink her move were ignored; she wanted to humiliate him as he did her by sharing what should have been exclusive to them with another. It was mission accomplished in the end—she had paid him back in the most debasing way

As social mishaps are wont to go viral, it became a controversial topic in cyberspace with divided opinions on the justification (or not) of the lady’s action. The back story was that the guy was a no do-gooder who did not have a stable source of income and the lady it was who fed and clothed him. “He had no right to cheat on someone like that and deserved what he got,” many opined.

A few days ago, the script was flipped and an angry male lover sauntered into a restaurant where his fiancee was on a date with another man. He demanded items he had gifted her: a wig and a pair of slippers as well as the symbol of their romantic commitment—an engagement. When she tried to appeal to him to not go that route, the mister got impatient and yanked the wig off; he also went ahead to collect the ring and footwear. It was a humiliating scene, to put it mildly.

Again, folks have debated the guy’s right to do what he did.

“He must have been so disappointed and heartbroken, so one should not blame him.”

“He loved the lady so much that seeing her with another man triggered the irrational part of him.”

“If a lady did this, no one would be complaining, so why can’t a man do the same?”

“She’s a slay Queen who wanted to eat her cake and have it, not knowing it would backfire. Good for her!”

The comments have been amusing as they have been jarring, and are a reflection of many things gone wrong in society.

How do you gift someone something and then turnaround to take it back when things sour?

When you give to another, it item becomes theirs so even if it’s something you need, you should ask them before using it. No?

If the items had been bought in the other person’s name; for instance, a car or landed property, would he have had the effrontery to request them back?

Not to discount the pain of being cheated on, but in this case, it wasn’t even clear that the lady was cheating. It could have been a business or friendly date. And even if the man had established that his fiancee was playing the double game, what manner of man (or woman) asks for what they have given back?

If you gave something out, it doesn’t belong to you anymore.

Besides, the action of demanding a gift back speaks to a person’s character; it means they never let go in the first place.

Again, the measure of an individual’s character is how they react to unpleasant situations and not what they do when everything is rosy. A partner who has no qualms retrieving what they got you because of uncontrolled jealousy or a real or perceived notion of philandering is capable of doing much worse.

We need to realise that we have no control over what another human does. Yes, even if they are our partners and are sworn to some kind of oath with us. Now, I am not saying it’s easy, but what if the guy had simply walked into the restaurant, ensured that the lady saw him, assessed her body language and how she introduces the other man before opting to stay in the relationship or say goodbye?

Wouldn’t he have come across as more gentlemanly and rational?

I mean…if I were a girl who saw what ensued, I’d be wary of advising a friend of man to date that kind of man let alone be with such a vindictive human.

Acting out of hurt never does much good. Control, rationality, emotional intelligence…these are what separate mature people from immature ones.